The face at the window
by oldmule
Summary: Fluffy angsty Harry and Ruth, still messing up. A sequel to Stuck in the Snow.
1. Chapter 1

**A sequel to the oneshot 'Stuck in Snow'. You don't need to have read it but it might help. Starts a wee bit angsty but there's fluff on the horizon.**

He often closed his eyes and thought of that moment stuck in the snow. The stillness. The solitude. The softness of her skin.

He had thought it perfect. He had thought it the breakthrough that both of them needed. The moment when everything changed. The moment from which they could move on.

But then the moment came.

Dimitri swept the snow from the window and even though the interior was steamed up they still couldn't fail to see his extremely shocked expression peering through the window.

And now here they were.

* * *

There was a knock and the office door slid open, Ruth said nothing, eyes on the floor, she put the new intel onto Harry's desk and left.

"Ruth," she paused.

"Thanks."

She shut the door.

Harry wasn't used to having doors slammed in his face, physically or metaphorically, apart from by Ruth. She had slammed, locked and bolted the heaviest of doors on him the moment that Dimitri had found them in the back of Harry's car. That wasn't strictly true, there were several moments when extreme mortification was her only emotion. But then the big black hole which she desired to come and swallow her up failed to appear. It was then the door shut.

"It could have been worse." he whispered as they sat in the back of the snow plough.

"Worse?"

"Dimitri, could have appeared a few minutes earlier."

She had given him a withering look. He thought it probably the last time she had looked him in the eye for the last three months.

He understood her embarrassment. He was not happy either about being caught in a state of undress with Ruth, under a blanket, on the back seat of his car. Not happy at all. It would have been bad enough a stranger but for it to be Dimitri's face that appeared, he wondered how much worse it could have got. It could have been the whole team peering through the window, that would have been worse. It could have been several minutes earlier and then they would all have been significantly more embarrassed, or possibly slightly impressed. Still best not to think on that.

He had hoped that her red faced shame would fade and that she would remember how wonderful that time together in the snow had been. That she would remember that she loved him, that she'd told him as much, that he had told her.

It was all forgotten, her shame had wiped it away.

But he remembered.

"Dimitri!"

The bellow rang out from the office. Dimitri caught Beth's eye, "Well, what do you expect?" she said, distinctly lacking in sympathy.

"Report." Harry didn't even look up.

Dimitri hesitated. He wished Harry would just be done and hit him, or post him somewhere far away.

"Report, where is it?"

"You'll have it this afternoon."

"Not good enough, I'll have it now," he still failed to look up.

"Harry, I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't do it on purpose." Dimitri thought it was time to try and clear the air, or get punched. Right now either would do.

"If I'd known you and Ruth were…..were…." Bad idea, he thought.

Harry suddenly stood up.

"No, you didn't think did you? Did nothing occur to you for one single minute? Did you not wonder why neither of us had actually called in for assistance? Was that not a bit of a clue, Sherlock!"

Dimitri hung his head. He could have replied about the lack of signal, the increasingly bad weather report and his attempts to contact them, but he chose not to.

Harry sat back down.

"Harry, if I could take it back I would, I swear. I hate to see Ruth like this. It's not just you that she avoids. She won't look at me, either. I look at her and see Ruth, she looks and me and sees only my face at the window."

Harry stared at him.

"I'm sorry, truly."

Eventually Harry sighed, "Report" he said.

Dimitri nodded and headed out.

"And Dimitri, I'll have it now."

"Yes, Harry."

Ruth did her job, she did her job and went home. She slept and returned to work the next day. She no longer looked into Harry's office as she worked, she no longer felt the need to be where he was, to seek him out on the roof, to accidentally run into him in the corridors. She no longer wanted to lose herself in his eyes. She couldn't see past Dimitri, past his face, past what he had seen, what he would tell everyone he had seen. She couldn't bear it. She had wiped what had gone before and whenever she thought of Harry whispering that he loved her, or the feel of his lips it was only ever accompanied by a face at the window and all was gone and tainted with the same horror.

She needed a break from the office, she had things to do, important things, away from here.

She picked up her coat and passing Beth, said simply that she had to go out. Beth nodded.

Dimitri called, "See you later, Evershed."

"Bye" she muttered, but failed to look at him.

* * *

Harry needed to buy a present for Catherine's birthday. He didn't know where to start. He wished Ruth were talking to him.

He wandered the shops aimlessly, waiting for inspiration to strike. It didn't.

The traffic stopped and he crossed the road, not really knowing where he was going next and feeling like he was running out of the right kind of shops.

Then he saw her.

He stopped and stared, fixed, fixated.

A horn blared and then another. He was standing in the middle of the road, stopping traffic.

He didn't move.

It was Ruth.

"Move!" one of the drivers yelled out of his window.

It was Ruth. Shopping. She had bags.

"Get out of the road!"

The horns blared again.

"MOVE!"

It was Ruth. She had just stepped out of Mothercare.


	2. Chapter 2

**SPOOKS ISN'T MINE, CHARACTERS AREN'T MINE AND NEITHER IS MOTHERCARE!**

Harry had not taken his eyes off Ruth all afternoon. Seeing as she never looked anywhere near him anymore she had failed to notice. Beth and Dimitri certainly had.

"Something's happened."

"That's obvious, Beth, but what?"

"Do you know where he's been?" she asked.

"No. No meetings scheduled. Took too long for just a coffee and a sandwich," Dimitri speculated.

"He's not one for shopping and besides he came back with no bags." Beth knew that much. "Ruth's been shopping but it looks like she's put all her bags in one, so all we know is she went to Boots."

"Maybe they had a fight over the toothpicks," she glared at Dimitri.

"What's wrong with him? He hasn't moved for about two hours"

"No wait a minute, look" she paused, "He blinked."

They both looked at Harry.

It was true he hadn't moved. He couldn't remember if he'd actually breathed since seeing her in the street.

It had been three months. Three months since the snow.

Twelve weeks.

He couldn't think. He couldn't move.

Three months. Twelve weeks.

Mid afternoon Ruth got up to make a tea for herself, Beth and Dimitri, she didn't offer one to Harry. He watched her all the way past his office window and his eyes stayed fixed on where he had last seen her, waiting her return.

"What are you doing?" Dimitri whispered as Beth headed straight for Ruth's desk.

"Checking," she said and started rooting through Ruth's shopping bag, she didn't need to worry about Harry, he was still lost, looking after Ruth. After a few moments she froze. Dimitri wondered if it was catching and he'd be the next one to be immobilized.

"What?"

Beth said nothing but stood up slowly, her face fixed, holding up a yellow and white outfit. It had a hood, and press studs up the front and tiny ducks embroidered all over it.

It _was_ contagious. Dimitri didn't move, he just stared.

Beth pulled herself together and pushed back the tiny outfit, rearranged the bag to how it was and silently sat back down. Ruth emerged with three mugs and handed them over as she passed. They nodded their thanks but no one spoke. Ruth sat down and went back to work. Three people stared, silent and still. She didn't notice.

"Ruth," he spoke quietly.

Dimitri and Beth were on high alert. Harry had moved. Not only that but he had moved to Ruth's desk.

She took her hands from her eyes, she'd been rubbing them and not seen him.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," she said and the same, tired eyes returned to her screen.

"If you're feeling, you know, under the weather, or anything, then I'd rather you went home."

"Harry, I'm fine. Why would I go home?"

"I just thought.."

"Well, you don't need to."

There was that closed door again.

Harry walked back to his office and received sympathetic looks from Beth and Dimitri.

"See what you can find out tonight" Dimitri hissed when Harry had gone.

"I can't I'm out all night with friends."

"Cancel."

"No, Dimitri, if Ruth wants us to know she'll tell us in her own time, besides it's still early."

"Aargh, you think she is then!"

"I don't know. She might be. It was about three months ago when they were…."

"Right," he said, "that's it then."

* * *

Ruth went home. She put her bags down. She put the takeway down. She felt tired. All she wanted was a bath and a cup of tea. The water was hot and she didn't want to get out. As she relaxed her thoughts slipped to Harry, to his hands gently roaming her body, to his lips, soft and delicate, to the feel of …to the face in the window. She got out of the bath.

She warmed the takeway up, had her cup of tea and soon after went to bed.

* * *

Harry couldn't sleep.

He had come home and sat in his chair. He hadn't got around to eating. He hadn't actually got around to going to bed.

* * *

The next morning they were all on the Grid early. There seemed to be intel required from every direction at the moment from diplomatic leaks to Korean military action, as fast as they plugged one hole another seemed to appear. They were all sat in the morning briefing, including Alec who had just returned from Syria. Ruth was giving them an update on a Saudi Royal visit scheduled for later that week when she suddenly seemed to turn a little pale.

"Are you okay, Ruth?" said Harry, immediately concerned.

"Yes, fine." She continued for a minute more and then suddenly got up, "I'm sorry, I…."and hand clasped over her mouth she ran from the room.

Harry, Beth and Dimitri all sat and looked after her. Beth and Dimitri turned to each other and then caught Harry's eye. He had the very strange feeling that they were thinking the same thing as him.

"Is no one going to go and see if she's okay?" asked Alec.

"Yes, of course," said Beth and followed Ruth in the direction of the ladies.

"Is she okay?" asked Tariq, who along with Alec was not party to their speculations.

"It's probably just a bug," said Harry, he turned his gaze from the direction of the door and looked at Dimitri.

"Yeah, course it is," he agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Short One for now.**

"Sit down, Ruth"

"I'm fine."

"Please."

"Harry, I have things to do."

"I'm sure you do but I'd like you to sit down."

She acquiesced and sat.

He pulled a chair from the back of the room and sat opposite her. It clearly made her feel uncomfortable but he couldn't do this from across his desk.

"Ruth, I need to know if you are okay."

"You keep asking me and I'll keep telling you, I'm just fine."

"But…"

"Something I ate, reheated takeaway probably."

"You need to look after yourself more."

"Harry, I'm fine and I don't need you to tell me how to look after myself." If her eyes had been raised towards him it would have been a glare but as it was it was his shoes that bore the brunt of her intense look. "What did you eat last night?" she suddenly challenged him.

"Well, I…"

"Yes."

"I never actually got round to eating last night."

"Ha," she said scornfully.

"Yes, but, that's different."

"No, it's not. Look at yourself first, Harry."

He looked at her instead. He looked at her and lost what he was trying to say. He didn't know what to do, or think, and as for what he was feeling, he thanked god he never felt like this over matters of national security otherwise he'd be bloody useless.

"Ruth, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"About…?"

"About, anything really."

"My cat had worms last week."

"That's nice."

"Will that do you Harry, or do you want more?"

"I'll always want more, Ruth."

He said it so quietly.

"I really need to get back to work."

She got up and started towards the door but he was there before her.

"May I?" he said and opened the door. For a moment she forgot herself and found her vision filled with his eyes, his lips, his face. It was a good face, it was the same face that had said 'may I' and then kissed her in the car. She had loved him, she had made love with him and then, and then, and then there was the face at the window. She looked away and left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Another short one**

"Ruth, you need to talk to Harry."

"I have done." She said walking back to her desk.

"Oh, right.," said a rather surprised Dimitri.

"How did it go?"

"He asked me if I was alright, I said yes."

"Oh."

"Sorry, Dimitri, did you need to know anymore, or is seeing us semi naked not enough for you."  
Normally 'mortified' was a good Ruth word, today it was a good word for Dimitri too.

The Grid was motionless.

Harry came out from his office and knew he'd just missed something. There was a distinct impression of frost in the air.

"What?" he demanded of Beth.

"Nothing" she said and hastily headed for the pods even though she had nowhere to go. Tariq reached for the phone and spoke to no one on the other end.

"Need a slash!" Alec, ever the charmer, headed to the gents.

Harry turned to Dimitri, who was still somewhat aghast.

"Dimitri?"

Harry got no answer. He looked at Ruth, who was back at her desk, head down but looking decidedly not right.

"Have you said something to Ruth?"

"Have I….?" He tailed off. It was all becoming too much.

"Dimitri?"

With that Dimitri stood up and marched over to Ruth.

"Ruth, please listen to me, I'm sorry that I turned up when I did, I'm sorry I didn't think. But you can't keep punishing me, ignoring me. I just wanted to help."

"Well, you didn't, did you?"

"Ruth, please. I know I embarrassed you but it's done, it's gone."

Now Ruth looked at him properly and he felt like a small boy who's mother needs only one glance to chastise.

He took a deep breath. He could feel Harry standing close nearby.

"Ruth, when I look at you, I see _you_, the warm, clever, wonderful woman I work with. When I look at Tariq I don't see him standing in the gents trying to look at a spot on his arse, I see the nerdy, little geek he is. When I look at Alec I don't see him throwing up on my shoes outside the George, well, actually I do, that is how I think of Alec, but you know what I mean." He rubbed his face. Tariq had forgotten he was pretending to be on the phone and was looking deeply shocked.

Dimitri sighed and finally looked up at Ruth, she was smiling at him.

"Point made, Dimitri," she paused and then added, "but I really didn't to know about Tariq's…" she grinned.

He smiled, "I've missed you, Evershed," he said and kissed her on the cheek.

Harry wondered why she couldn't forgive him that easily. In fact, he didn't even know what he had to be forgiven for, but maybe it was just her hormones.


	5. Chapter 5

"Harry's not himself."

"Well, he's got a few things on his mind, Alec," Beth was slightly snappy and very defensive.

"Such as?"

Beth wished she hadn't said anything.

"Things that aren't really our business."

"Ruth, then."

"Yes, Ruth."

"Go on, what have they done, or not done now?"

She hesitated.

He waited.

"Harry thinks Ruth's pregnant."

Silence. Eventually.

"And is she?"

"Don't know."

"So where's he got this idea from then?"

"She was shopping in Mothercare and then yesterday morning she was sick."

"Oh right, conclusive then," he laughed.

"Now, you come to say it, it does seem a bit weak."

"A bit?"

"Very weak."

Harry had never been so inactive. He just couldn't seem to focus. Whenever there came a lull in the decision making he was back trying to work out how he felt. He still wasn't sure. He didn't want any more children, he was too old, too bad at it in the first place, when he had had youth and energy on his side. Now. Now was just madness, wasn't it. He didn't think he could do it again. She was barely even talking to him, hadn't even told him. It all felt doomed. He was confused. And yet he still loved her, he still wanted her. Would it always be this difficult? What would she want of him?

"Harry"

"Sorry, Ruth, I didn't hear you come in."

"I knocked," she said, glancing at him briefly.

He nodded sadly, that said it all.

"What can I do for you, Ruth?"

"I need a few days off."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, fine."

"Sure?"

His mind was ploughing through the reasons why she may need time off. Some were more unthinkable than others.

"Ruth, do I need to know anything, or do you need me to do anything?"

"No."

"Sure?"

"Harry" it was a warning.

"Sorry."

He was fussing and it was irritating and yet she wanted to look at him and see that tender, concerned look on his face, the one she knew so well.

"Harry, are you okay?"

"I'm….." he honestly didn't know the answer.

She waited.

"You know I'll be here for you, Ruth, if you need me."

Some part of her wanted to say 'I'll always need you' but she said nothing.

"Have you anything planned?" he asked eventually.

"I've just been feeling tired, exhausted really, I think I need some rest and stop eating dodgy prawn biryanis."

He nodded sympathetically.

"And at the weekend I'm going to a christening."

"Oh," he said trying to control his face, focusing on something else.

"You'll need to get a present."

"Already got it the other day. Sweet little outfit, hopefully it'll fit. I don't really know baby sizes very well."

"No," he added gazing at a folder on his desk.

Ruth thought she was boring him, "I'll see you next week , then."

He nodded but didn't look at her. Any other time in the last three months he would have noticed that she was not looking at the floor but had been looking at him. As usual they had managed to miss each other. She turned from him and finally he realised how he felt.

"Ruth's going to a christening, bought a lovely little baby grow allegedly," said Beth to Dimitri.

"Oh"

"Exactly."

"How d'you know?"

"She just told me."

"That's the end of that then, we might get Harry back now from the land of the living dead."

* * *

"Come in, sit down."

Ruth did as she was told.

"I've got the results of your blood tests and so forth."

"Right."

"And we believe we've found the probable cause of your exhaustion."

Now was not a good time to believe everything she had read on the internet, exhaustion did not have to be a symptom of something terminal.

"You're three months pregnant, Miss Evershed."

**There will be more to come, at some point.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Even shorter and now certainly going to bed - more tomorrow night.**

_Disappointment._

That was the word. That was the word that encapsulated how he felt.

He was expecting relief. Logically relief should have been his overriding sensation.

And yet it wasn't.

Mind you was there any part of his head working properly at the moment? He had jumped to conclusions throughout, none of which were based on anything other than mere speculation. He was being ridiculous. He berated himself for it all, for his lack of sense and now for his disappointment.

* * *

"What?"

"Three months."

Silence.

"You had no idea?"

"No."

"Well, it's not that unusual. I can see from your records that your cycle has often been irregular and quite light."

"Yes, but, I should have known, surely?"

"Clearly not," said the doctor and smiled warmly.

"Oh, God." Ruth felt the consequences begin to overwhelm her.

"Will the father be able to help you?" It was a delicate question, to which there were often so many answers, many of them totally unexpected.

"Oh, God" said Ruth again.

"Are you not together anymore?"

"It's complicated," said Ruth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just got in from work. So here we go. Need a chapter or so to get back in the swing, so a shorty to start.**

"Harry's not himself."

"Bloody hell, still!"

"I think he's missing Ruth" said Beth.

"She's only been off five days, god knows how he coped when she was in Cyprus." Alec was still getting used to the rollercoaster.

"What's up?" asked Tariq on his way in.

"Harry."

"Oh, right," he didn't stop.

"When's she back, then?" said Alec.

"Tomorrow."

"Good."

* * *

Harry wanted Ruth back. He wasn't used to her having time off. The grid was empty and so was he. It make him think of when she was away and he, like Alec wondered how he had coped for so long.

* * *

Ruth didn't know what she wanted. She was still in shock. She'd told the doctor that it was complicated but only now was she beginning to realise how much.

Analyse Ruth, analyse.

Fact One. She didn't want to give up work, work was who she was.

Fact Two. She'd seen what kind of life Wes had had, and she couldn't do that to a child.

Fact Three. She couldn't work and look after a baby.

Fact Four. She would be a single parent, he didn't want children, surely.

Fact Five. Did she even want a baby.

Fact Six. She had wanted Nico and loved him but that was a different world, a different life.

Fact Seven. It wasn't fair for her to have a baby.

But then…..

But then…

Fact Eight - it's Harry's baby.


	8. Chapter 8

"Morning Ruth. Good week off?"

"Fine thanks, Beth."

"Oh, and by the way, I appreciate you giving me a little time to myself."

"No problem. I'll be back tomorrow night, if that's okay?"

"Course," replied Ruth though she really couldn't think that far ahead.

"Where's Harry?"

"Home Secretary."

Ruth nodded and turned to her desk.

* * *

Harry wasn't listening. Towers had repeated himself twice already and was losing patience.

"So, of course that would mean the end of Five."

Harry nodded sagely.

"Section D would be disbanded"

Harry nodded.

"And you would be hung, drawn and quartered."

Harry nodded again.

Towers stopped.

Harry realised that there was no more noise for him nod at.

"Sorry, Home Secretary, you were saying?"

"Get out, Harry. I don't know what's wrong with you today, but you're bloody useless."

"Yes, Home Secretary."

* * *

Harry walked onto the grid. She was there, at her desk. She was radiant. She was looking at him. Looking right at him. Not at her feet, not at the floor, not pretending to be engrossed in paperwork but looking at him.

Ruth watched him walk onto the grid. She realised how much she'd missed him. How much she'd missed his face, his walk, his smile.

"Good morning, Ruth. Rested and fit for duty?"

"Rested, yes. Fit for anything, we'll see."

He wanted to tell her he'd missed her, but he didn't.

She wanted to tell him, well, there was so much she didn't know where to start. So she said nothing.

They merely smiled briefly at each other and turned away.

* * *

Her workload was heavy. No one seemed to get through as much as Ruth and her absence had caused a backlog. Even though she felt the weight of the files that lay beside her she couldn't quite concentrate. She found herself gazing at Harry. He was working through his own tome of paperwork and had barely moved for about an hour.

Harry had a file open in front of him. It was a report of a bomb blast in Korea. There were case photos of the scene. Carnage. Carnage and bodies. And amidst it all stood a small boy, three or four years of age who looked, not upset, but confused. Harry had looked at it for an hour or more. He didn't see the carnage, or the bodies, he just saw the boy.

And he felt disappointed.

Ruth knew Harry had regrets, he regretted the consequences of decisions he'd made, he regretted the deaths of members of his team, he regretted the appearance of Dimitri at the window of his car! The thing she knew he regretted most was his failure as a father. He wouldn't want to go there again, revisit the failure. She wasn't even sure he liked children that much. In fact the last time she'd spoken to him when she mentioned the christening he'd shown little interest and gone back to reading his files. He would probably be filled with horror at the thought of being a father now, at his age. She could almost imagine the stricken look on his face. Him a father, she thought.

Harry a father.

A father to her child.

Their child, inside her.


	9. Chapter 9

"Harry, I need you to authorise these."

"So how was your week off?" he said and opened the file and began to sign.

"Oh, you know," she said noncommittally.

"Uneventful, then?"

"I wouldn't quite say that."

He looked at her curiously and forgot to look away again. He forgot to sign. He forgot that gazing at her usually made her leave.

"I missed you, Ruth," he said, so quietly she nearly didn't hear it.

She looked at him but didn't answer.

'So what did you get up to?" he said thinking it best to plough on and ignore what he'd just said.

"Rested a little and then went to my friend's christening."

"Did it go well?"

"Yes, very well. It was a lovely day and the baby didn't cry once, he was just perfect, in fact when the vicar was anointing him he kept giggling. Nearly brought the house down, even the vicar had to laugh."

She saw he wasn't listening. He'd turned back to the file. He wasn't interested.

He had to look away, the image he had of Ruth talking about babies had thrown him. He didn't need to listen to this right now.

"Good. Good." He said and handed her the file, "Glad you had a good time."

* * *

"Glad you're back, Evershed."

"Did you miss me?" she smiled at Dimitri, now having fully forgiven him , in fact there had been so much new to worry about that the image of his face at the window had well and truly faded into obscurity.

"Of course. Harry was miserable which meant the rest of us had to miserable."

"I doubt that" she said but enjoyed the fact that Harry might have been miserable without her.

"How about I make you a cup of tea as a welcome back?"

She smiled, he was a charmer.

"Okay. Black though."

"Black? What happened to milk and sugar?"

"Just don't fancy it," she said.

She sat sipping her tea and thinking about Harry. He had missed her, his feelings were the same, they were constant. Would they be constant if she told him the truth. He wanted her, that didn't mean he wanted a baby. If she told him she loved him now, all would be well, she was sure. If she told him she loved him and she was pregnant he may be considerably less keen. Should she tell him? She had to.

Tomorrow. She'd tell him tomorrow.

**Sorry to tease. The conversation next, if everyone's not got bored of waiting.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here goes!**

"Harry I'm pregnant."

"I'm having a baby."

"You're going to be a father."

Ruth looked in the mirror. She sighed.

Today.

She must tell him today.

* * *

"Harry, may I have a word."

He nodded and pointed to the chair.

She didn't move. He didn't press her.

"I…."

He waited.

"I'm…sorry I reacted like I did when Dimitri…when he….at the window."

Thank god, thought Harry.

"It's okay, Ruth," was all he said.

"No, it's not okay," she whispered.

"I understand why."

"You don't understand, Harry."

"I do. You were embarrassed, as was I, but I just hoped we were stronger, that perhaps we'd moved on beyond that."

"Yes, we have moved on beyond that," she said thoughtfully.

"Ruth, you know I still feel the same don't you?"

"Do you?"

"Yes. Always."

"How can you say always?"

"I just can."

"Always is a long time and you don't know what's round the corner, Harry," she warned.

"No, I don't but I promise not to get shot."

She smiled despite her worry.

"And," he added, "I promise to make it snow every year."

He stood up and crossed, leaning against the desk in front of her. His smile was wonderful and warm and welcoming and she felt safe and loved and desired.

"Harry, I'm…" the rest wouldn't come.

He waited.

"I'm having…"

And waited.

"You're going to.….."

"Yes?" he asked.

"You're going to … to…"

"Die of old age waiting for you to get to the end of a sentence" he said smiling.

"No," she didn't smile and he felt foolish and unfair for interrupting her.

"I'm sorry, Ruth. Go on."

'I can't Harry, I don't know how to." Her eyes had descended to the floor and he truly feared he'd lost her again and that any hope he had was disappearing.

"Ruth, please, we can be happy."

"It's not that simple," she said, nearly breaking down.

'Why?"

She shook her head.

"Please, Ruth. Just tell me."

She said nothing.

"It'll all be alright," he took her hand in his.

"No. No, it won't."

"Ruth, what is it?"

His eyes beseeched her. She met them and studied them and didn't know what exactly she hoped for.

"What is it?" he repeated.

"Please tell me."

She slipped her hand from within his and guided his palm, laying it gently on her stomach. She watched it resting there and then she looked at him.

He looked from her to his hand and back to her.

She saw the confusion on his face and then she saw the light of dawn, the light of his understanding.

What was she doing, he didn't understand. Why had she put his hand here? On her stomach? What was she trying to tell him? What hadn't she been able to say?

And then and he saw.

And then he knew.

"Ruth…..you're…."

She nodded.

**More to come.**


	11. Chapter 11

"But you're not."

"I am, Harry"

"But, I don't understand."

"Do you really need me to spell it out."

"It was just a takeaway and Mothercare was a.…. a gift."

"What?"

"Are you sure, Ruth?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

He said nothing.

"How did you know I went to Mothercare?"

"I saw you."

"And….?" Now it was her turn for the light of comprehension. "And you thought I was….?"

He nodded.

"But I wasn't. Well, I was but I didn't know it."

"How could you not know, Ruth?"

"I just didn't."

"But…"

"It's more common than you'd think," she snapped, "Anyway, you thought I was…because I'd been shopping and been sick, once?"

He nodded.

"And then you heard about the christening and realised you'd jumped to conclusions?"

He nodded.

"Right, " she said simply.

"Except I didn't, did I?"

"What?"

"I didn't jump to conclusions, I was right."

"Well, yes, technically."

They were both finally and thankfully quiet.

"What are we going to do?" she said eventually.

"I….I'm…." it was his turn.

She waited.

"Harry, Home Secretary. Says it's urgent!" Dimitri's head stuck around the door.

"Can't you knock!" bellowed Harry.

"Sorry." Dimitri just thanked god they were both clothed.

* * *

The Home Secretary had information that the PM was in danger. Harry had absorbed all he needed to know and now the HS was spouting on about press and coverage and political face saving. Harry's eyes had glazed.

"Harry, are you listening to me?"

Harry nodded.

"What did I just say?'

Harry nodded.

"Harry!"

"Yes, Home Secretary."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm going to be a father," said Harry.

The HS nodded, "Right."


	12. Chapter 12

**Last of this evening - more tomorrow**

**

* * *

**

The PM's security was paramount. Alec and Dimitri were out rounding up any assets that might help in finding the group targeting him.

Harry returned from Whitehall and looked for Ruth. She wasn't at her desk.

"Beth, where's Ruth?"

"Ladies, I think"

"Oh, right. Alec?"

"Should be back in ten minutes, he's had no luck. Dimitri's following up a lead."

"Meeting room as soon as Alec's back."

"Ok, Harry."

He wandered down the corridor and waited for Ruth.

She emerged rubbing her hands.

"Ruth, are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Are you okay to work?"

"Of course."

"We need to talk."

"I know, Harry."

"Ruth," he stopped, knowing and not knowing what he wanted to say.

"I know," she said.

"How can you know what I'm trying to say when I don't know what it is?"

"Because I don't know either, Harry."

She leant her back against the wall, suddenly feeling rather tired.

He leant besides her.

"How did you feel when you thought I was….?" She asked quietly.

"Shocked."

"What about when you thought you'd got it wrong?"

He didn't reply.

She thought she knew why.

"Relieved?" suggested Ruth.

"Disappointed."

She looked at him.

"Harry, Alec's back!"

"Thanks, Beth" said Harry under his breath, wishing they didn't have to have these conversations here.

"Coming," he called as he turned to the briefing room.

Ruth didn't move from the wall.

'Disappointed'. He'd said disappointed.


	13. Chapter 13

It was all down to a ten year old. A ten year old's hoax that sent national security into a frenzy of activity. No wonder Alec had found nothing.

Dimitri had called it in while they were in the briefing room. Death threaths posted on the web from his bedroom. "Bloody kids", said Alec.

The HS was somewhat abashed and failed to mention press coverage again hoping the matter would remain well and truly under their radar. Harry tried not to relish his discomfort too much.

When he returned to the grid it was late and only Beth was there.

She saw his usual look, "I told Ruth to go home, she looked a bit tired. Unusually she listened to me."

He nodded.

"Beth…" he began.

"I need to get off. I'm staying at a friend's tonight," she said.

"Thank you" he smiled at her tact.

Ruth was wearing a large, baggy jumper, in one hand she cradled a hot chocolate, in the other a slice of marmite on toast. She'd just fancied it.

There was a knock at the door, assuming it was Beth whose keys were still lying in the hall, she gripped the toast in her mouth, kept the mug in her left hand and released the door latch with her right. If she was able she would have said, "Harry," with a certain amount of surprise but the facefull of toast stopped her.

"Hi," he said, "Is it too late?"

She retrieved the toast, unwittingly leaving a trace of marmite on her cheek.

"No."

He still stood on the step. "May I?" he said.

She smiled a little, "Please do," and she stepped aside, thinking of his Range Rover and how all this had begun.

She brought him a glass of whiskey and he sat on the sofa beside her.

For a few minutes they did not speak. They both drank their drinks and looked at the fire.

"Beth'll probably be back soon" she eventually said.

"She's staying at a friend's."

"Oh, right."

Again the fire took their thoughts.

"Whatever you want, is fine, Ruth," he said eventually, quietly.

"I don't know what I want."

"If you weren't…..would you know what you wanted?"

She glanced sideways at him and then back to the fire.

He waited.

"I think I'd want you Harry."

He nodded.

She waited.

"What do you want, Harry?"

"I'm too old," was all he said, lost in the fire.

She waited, feeling…feeling alone.

"I failed before, I was never there for them."

She knew he would fear this.

"You know what you did wrong, surely that makes it easier to make things right."

"But what if I did all the wrong things all over again?"

"Harry, I don't think you're the type of man who doesn't learn from his mistakes."

"You'd be surprised," was all he said.

They sat again and only the noise from the fire filled the room.

"I'm not ready for this." It was Ruth who said it. Harry looked at her. She rubbed her face and streaked the marmite further. "I don't want to give up work."

He looked away. She couldn't read his face.

"So, you don't want it?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure."

He sighed.

"It would be easier if I wasn't….wouldn't it?"

"When have we ever made things easy?" he sounded resigned.

"On the Grid you said you felt disappointed."

He nodded.

"You were disappointed when you thought you'd got it wrong."

"Yes."

He said no more.

"Harry, I need you to tell me what you want."

He didn't move.

"Harry?"

He slowly turned to her. His hand reached out and sought her stomach as though he was trying to make contact. His eyes fixed there, not daring to look away.

"It's our baby, Ruth," then he met her eyes, "Ours."

* * *

**Not sure whether there should be more or not?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ok, there's more.**

* * *

"Would you like to stay?" Ruth asked tentatively.

"If I may," said Harry.

"You may."

* * *

He hadn't slept. It was all too much to take in.

They had climbed into bed still not sure they had any answers, knowing only that the thought of not having the baby was a possibility neither could contemplate. But having it, that was a complicated mess of worry and uncertainty, which wasn't going away any time soon.

He held her in his arms, her head resting on his chest. She was tired. She had fallen asleep almost immediately he had held her, but before she did she whispered "What are we going to do, Harry?"

"It'll be fine, don't worry, we'll sort something out." He didn't know yet what that something was.

As the light began to backlight the bedroom curtains he pondered how different life suddenly was. He was lying in Ruth's bed and he hadn't even kissed her, a kiss on the forehead as she was drifting off to sleep didn't count, mind you it was kissing her that had got them into this mess in the first place.

Mess, he thought. Mess. Not the right word, Harry.

Situation.

Sounded like work.

We have a situation.

Well, if it this was work he would find a solution. This should be no different, just perhaps a little more emotional. Work the possibilities, find the answer.

Option 1. Abortion.

Option 2. Adoption.

Option 3. They both go back to work. A nanny.

Option 4. Ruth resigns and stays home.

Option 5. They both stay home.

Option 6. He stays home.

Fine that had narrowed it down. Three options were gone. Three were left.

Ruth stirred. He held on tight and rocked her gently. She drifted back to sleep.

Work Harry, find the solution, he thought.


	15. Chapter 15

**Very short. Sorry but it felt nice as a stand alone chapter.**

* * *

"Morning, sleepy."

"Morning," she smiled at him and he thought for a moment that this was the most perfect moment in his life. He kissed her.

"Harry."

"Yes Ruth."

"In amongst all of this, you know I love you don't you?"

"No."

"Well, I do."

"You're going to have to tell me again, Ruth. My memory's not what it used to be."

She smiled a sleepy smile.

"Harry Pearce, I love you."

"It's Sir Harry to you, Ruth. Please have some respect for your elders, not to mention those here-present who are beknighted."

"That's not a word."

"Maybe not, but it should be."

"I think not Harry, sorry…Sir Harry.

"Let's not argue about it. However, Ruth, I do think that you should either get up and make your house guest breakfast or stop being argumentative and kiss me."

"Harry, firstly we're late for work, secondly you're perfectly capable of making your own breakfast and thirdly."

"You're pregnant," he said interrupting her.

"Yes," she said and suddenly they were back to reality.

They got up and both made breakfast.

* * *

**At some point I'll stop! But I'm not sure when!**


	16. Chapter 16

They left the morning briefing. Harry hovered. Ruth delayed.

"I need to talk to you, Ruth."

"Tonight?" she suggested.

"Yes, tonight. Will you come to mine?"

"If you'd like me to."

"Oh, yes, I'd like you to."

She smiled. "Okay."

"I think I've found a solution," he said.

She wanted to ask him more but Dimitri reappeared and called for Harry.

* * *

"What's going on with those two?" Alec asked.

I think they've got past the image of Dimitri's face leering through the window at them." Said Beth.

"Well, let's hope things settle down a bit."

"Hell, yes." Said Beth.

* * *

They left the grid together. They went home. They went to Harry's home. It didn't matter anymore what anyone might have thought. They had things to discuss.

"I'm going to make you dinner."

"Harry, can you cook?"

"Yes, it may not be Gordon Ramsey but it should be tasty enough."

She grinned at him. "So what are you making?"

"Beans on toast," he grinned.

"Lovely," she said. It was something.

He laughed. "Chilli con carne, unless you fancy pilchards and custard?"

"No, the hormones haven't gone that crazy yet."

"Thank god," he said.

She smiled. She loved him.

"So, what's your solution?" she asked as she lay the table.

"I'm leaving," he said.

"What?"

"We both agree, do we not, that both of us continuing to do what we do won't work."

She nodded.

"I don't want to go through what Adam did. I don't want a child of mine to go through what Wes did."

"No, me neither." Said Ruth.

"Well then, the solution is simple."

She looked at him, the solution was far from simple as far as she could see.

"I don't understand," she said.

"I've thought about this, Ruth"

"And?" she said.

"And….I'm leaving the service."

She just looked blankly at him.

"I was never there for Graham, or Catherine. I'm going to be there for our baby, Ruth."

"Harry, what about…..?'

"The world will function whether I retire, or get shot, so it'll have to function without me now."

"But…"

"Ruth, you want to work, I understand that. You're not ready to stop. I am."

She still looked totally unconvinced.

"Listen to me, Ruth. You are having our baby. You are giving me a second chance, a chance to do things right, a chance to be the father I'd like to be, I should be. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I want to love you when you come home and tell you how wonderful our child is. That will do me just fine."

She was overwhelmed.

"Harry are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Now eat your chilli, or I'll feel deeply insulted.

She ate.

"Harry, I don't want to go to work if you're not there."

"Yes you do. You're good at what you do. You're the best at what you do," he whispered it in her ear, "do what you do best and we'll be there when you get back."

"We?"

"Yes, Ruth, we."

She smiled.


	17. Chapter 17

"We can't tell them yet."

"Yes we can, Ruth, besides do you think they're not going to notice."

"Of course they are, but not yet they won't."

"Your five months gone."

Just another month, Harry."

He hesitated.

"Please?"

"Fine."

* * *

"I'm telling them, Ruth."

"But…"

"You said another month and that's what it's been."

"But, what will they think?"

"They'll hopefully think it's wonderful."

She failed to look convinced.

"Are you ashamed of me, Ruth?"

"No." she said indignantly.

"Of us?"

"No."

"Of our baby?"

"No, of course not."

"Then let's tell them, before they start gossiping about me feeding you too much and you ballooning to the size of a small whale."

She hesitated.

"Please?"

"Fine."

* * *

"So let's keep Dimitri under the radar and the rest under surveillance," said Harry to the gathered team. They nodded and started to get up.

"One more thing," said Harry and they all sat back down.

"Ruth and I are…well, we….we…..we're…."

"Having a baby," Ruth finished.

There were four faces around the table who all failed utterly and totally to hide their feelings. Harry wondered how they could ever make spooks if they were as transparent as this.

"How…when?"

"You should know, Dimitri, you were there," said Harry.

Ruth thought about Dimitri's face at the window of the car and she laughed. She wasn't sure she had seen anyone look quite so shocked before, or since. Not too long ago that memory would have stopped her functioning, would have kept her away from Harry, would have stopped her from living.

Beth hugged Ruth. "I did wonder." she said, "are you happy?"

"Yes, Beth, I'm more than happy."

* * *

"I'm going to see the HS" Harry leaned in to Ruth.

"Okay" she said.

"I'm going to give him three months notice."

"Harry, are you sure?"

"How many more times."

"Fine, you're sure."

"Yes, indeed I am, Ruth."

"Will you keep me informed, Harry?"

"Of course, Home Secretary."

"Good, thank you."

"There's one last thing I need to talk to you about."

"Yes Harry."

"I'd like to serve you three months notice on my resignation. I'd like to be decommissioned."

The HS sat and looked at him.

"I thought we'd been through all this last year, Harry?"

"Yes, we did, but this time I mean it."

"What's changed?"

"I'm going to be a father."

"I remember you saying."

"This time I intend to do it properly, I need to be there, this time I will be there."

"Aren't that what wives are for, Harry?"

Harry laughed, he wished Ruth had been here to hear that. "Aah, but I'm not married."

"Well maybe you should be, Harry."

"Yes, Home Secretary, maybe I should."


	18. Chapter 18

"Ruth, I can't do this."

She looked at him. Her back ached, her legs ached, in fact everything either ached or felt swollen, or hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't let you have this baby."

"Bit late now, Harry, I think it's coming whether you like it, or not."

"I mean it's not right for us to have a baby like this."

"Like what? What are you talking about?"

'It's all wrong, Ruth."

"Look, if you're having second thoughts then just say so, not that I can do anything about it, I mean look at the size of me. Or is that what this is about?"

"No, it's not. You look beautiful."

"I look like a house."

"No, you look like home."

She paused and smiled at him.

"Go on then, Harry, spit it out."

"I can't let you have our baby without marrying me."

"My god, how Victorian are you?"

"Very."

"I am not marrying you looking like this, so dream on."

"Please Ruth, please, marry me."

"No."

"But you have to."

"No I don't."

"If I'd asked you before would you?"

"What, you mean before I was pregnant, or before I was the size of Norfolk?"

"Yes. I mean both, either."

"Possibly."

"Well, why not now then?"

"Because."

"That's no answer."

"Maybe not but it's the only one you're getting."

"Please Ruth, please marry me."

"Maybe later."

"When later?"

"When I'm not nearly nine months pregnant later."

"But why not now?"

"Because it smacks of desperation."

He sighed and poured a whiskey.

"And don't drink too much" she said.

"Why not?"

"Because I think my waters have just broken."


	19. Chapter 19

**Very nearly the end, if you're still sticking with me?

* * *

**

Harry cradled his son in his arms.

He felt all the fear rise again in his chest.

"I won't let you down, I promise. I'll be there for you when you need me, I'll be there when you graze your knee and bang your head. I'll be there when your friends are cruel and your school work's hard."

I'll be there, son.

I promise."

Ruth watched the two of them. He thought she was asleep.

She wasn't.

Even if she had closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep he would have known because he would have seen the tears rolling down her face.

* * *

Beth and Dimitri were in the waiting room. Dimitri was pacing.

"What _is _wrong with you?"

"It's quite nerve wracking, isn't it?"

"What?" exclaimed Beth.

"I feel quite nervous."

"Why?"

"Don't know…. well, I was there wasn't I….you know, at the conception."

"Are you mad?"

"I feel kind of involved."

"Trust me, Dimitri, you were not involved."

* * *

A nurse entered their room. "Sorry to disturb you but there are some visitors in the waiting room."

"Beth," said Ruth.

"You're awake," said Harry turning to her and immediately seeing the tracks of her tears.

"Thank you," he said to the nurse. She smiled and left. Harry turned to Ruth.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, "you just look so…..right."

She looked down at their son and then back to Harry.

"And so do you, " he said bending and kissing her.

"Good answer, Harry."

"I've been working on it."

She smiled.

"Ruth,"

"Yes."

"Will you marry now?"

"Soon," she said.

"How soon?"

"Very."

"Good answer, Ruth

"I've been working on it," she said, "now go and show him off."

* * *

Harry walked into the waiting room. Beth and Dimitri came to him and the baby like iron filings to a magnet, without deviation.

"Helloo," said Beth gently as she stroked a finger across his tiny hand.

"Boy or girl?" asked Dimitri, fixated on the tiny form before him.

"Boy," said Harry, "and no, we haven't got a name yet."

"Hello, little fella, I'm your uncle Dimitri" he didn't notice Beth and Harry both turn to look at him and so carried on, lost in his reverie. "I was there when you were conceived, wasn't I?"

"Yes, and if you'd be five minutes earlier you'd be in the morgue right now not the maternity ward," said Harry.


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Ruth came home.

"Harry, I've resigned."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Actually I didn't," he said as he came downstairs, Benjamin in his arms.

"I've resigned."

"What?"

"I've been decommissioned."

"Why?"

"I missed you."

"So you resigned?"

"Yes."

"Was that a wise idea?"

"I think so."

"Just because you missed me?"

"No, I missed you both," she kissed Benjamin who was sound asleep in Harry's arms.

"But, Ruth.."

"But, what? I thought you'd be happy."

"But who's going to keep us in nappies?"

"Oh don't worry, Harry, we'll just have to ask uncle Dimitri."

She laughed.

He laughed.

Benjamin woke up and gurgled.

* * *

**Finally the end. Hope you enjoyed even though it was somewhat longer than expected. Note to self - beware apparently short fics set in the snow - they may go on and on!**


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